I just came back from a playoff baseball game, which my high school team unfortunately lost. The other team was huge (16 players) and the players themselves were huge as well... The game was great, both teams played really well, but when it came down to it-- we lost. Oh well, it was the farthest my tiny-ass high school has ever got, so most were happy. I dislike baseball, actually, it's incredibly slow. I'm actually the team's official scorekeeper, although I do overtime as team mom/chef/cheerleader/shoulder to cry on/ear to whine to. I got into the whole scoring groove doing basketball, which I enjoy because it's fast-paced and over in under two hours. Baseball, on the other hand, is just as good as the company you get while you watch. I don't want to offend any baseball fanatics or anything, it's just a little dull for me. Maybe I just don't understand its complexities.
The other thing I hate about baseball (although it's also true for basketball) is the umps. They're chauvinist, elitist assholes. Well, generally speaking. There's this ump that's also a basketball ref who's just gross. Whenever I see him at a game he makes a point to approach me, shake my hand vigorously (whilst looking unabashedly down my shirt) and then hands me his jacket with a comment along the lines of, "Will you hold on to this for me?" And I take it and hang it somewhere while the guys on the team look on at this guy, mentally screaming "SHE'S UNDERAGE, YOU SICK-O."
But none of us can really do anything because the coach says we can't talk to the refs unless it's on "official game business." But whatever.
That's one of the reasons I chopped off and dyed my pretty blonde hair dark red. I mean, I'm barely taken seriously as it is, let alone with long, luxurious blonde hair.
This song actually made me consider going back to being a blonde, just so I could fuck with people's heads. Hehe.


Cause I'm A Blonde (edited by me)
by Julie Brown

Because I'm blonde, I don't have to think
I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks
Don't have to worry about gettin' a man
If I keep this blonde and I keep these tan (indicates tits)

'Cause I'm a blonde
Yeah, yeah, yeah…

I see people workin', it just makes me giggle
'Cause I don't have to work, I just have to jiggle

I never learned to read and I never learned to cook
Why should I bother when I look like I look?
I know lots of people are smarter than me
But I have this philosophy:
"So what?"

I took an IQ test, and I flunked it, of course
I can't spell VW, but I got a Porsche

I just want to say that being chosen as this month's Miss August is like a compliment I'll remember for as long as I can. Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA, but my goal is to become a veterinarian, 'cause I love children.

Girls think I'm snotty, and maybe it's true
With my hair and body, you would be too

Cause I'm a blonde!
- posted by Carly @ 8:36 PM (4) comments

 
I have spent the last few hours at a dinner party. Well, a "gathering of adult friends" which was attended by my dad. I got invited, wanted to get away from my mother (who is bad enough when she doesn't have the flu), and went. I'm still not sure why. In the following time, I ate some lovely salmon which was grilled with fennel, that sat atop a soft bed of spring greens tossed with a balsamic vinaigrette, which lie next to some rosemary potatoes and succulent cantaloupe wrapped with fine prosciutto. An average evening when my father's around. But although the food was very good and there was a very cute toddler there, the conversation seemed oddly to repeat itself. It went from a comment about the wine to a comment about how the wine interacted with the food, and how the sweetness of the balsamic vinegar complimented the spice of the fennel, and how the hot fish perfected the cold salmon, to how the wine was wonderful with the salmon and how the wine filled out the flavors of the food... I found myself staring, quite blankly, and wishing wholeheartedly that whatever creator-force is out there would not curse me with as boring a middle age as that. On top of it all, I have a sunburn, which was burning (as sunburns do) and itching like no other. So I spent my evening eating great food with terrible conversation trying to look interested while trying to pay as little attention as humanly possible.

The sunburn, strangely enough, is in the precise shape of a corset. I guess it's not so strange when you learn that I got the sunburn whilst wearing a corset at ye marry olde Renaissance Pleasure Faire which is currently stationed at Glen Helen Parkway way the bejesus out in the middle of God-knows-where to the east. I love that thing. I go every year. At least twice. I can never really figure it out. I think it has to do with first impressions, you know, the way something goes the first time or on a memorable occasion affects the way you perceive that thing for a long time afterwards? Yeah. Well, when I was there a couple of years ago, there was this jerk dressed as some sort of pirate fellow following me around and slapping my ass ceaselessly. No matter what I said or did, the guy would not leave me alone. Finally, in the height of my desperate agony, a very, very tall man (literally had to be 6'7) dressed as one of the Queen's guards, walks up, yells at the asshole chasing me-- who promptly runs away-- and then gets down on one knee and apologizes to me. So ever since then, I have this connection in my brain that goes like this: RENAISSANCE FAIRE = CHIVALRY. And no matter how many times I have been there, that first impression seems to fill me with denial towards all the other assholes and lack of chivalrous gentlemen who have appeared or failed to appear ever since. I love chivalry, really, there's such a startling lack of it in my general vicinity-- i.e. Los Angeles and surrounding suburbs, high school, and baseball games (which sort of fits in the "high school" category). But maybe it's overrated. Who knows. It sort of reminds me of this "fairy tale" I got from a friend through e-mail a long time ago... maybe I can find it...

Oh good. I did. Here goes.



ONCE upon a time, in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat,
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back into the dapper,
young prince that I am and then, my sweet,
we can marry and setup housekeeping
in your castle with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously
on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:

I don't f***in think so.

- posted by Carly @ 9:26 PM (2) comments

 
Excerpt from "Me as a 12-Year-Old Trying to be Deep*"
(*not actual title)

"So this is it. This is the place, the time, that you’ve been craving. This is where you’ve come to escape your world. Are you hoping to enter mine? Do not enter seeking to criticize for it does no good. Cross the threshold into my humanity with open mind to the weary traveler with no reason."

Yeah. I've grown out of that.

But it's somehow strangely appropriate for how I feel about my first BLOG entry Ever. I just think it's interesting that people are becoming more and more interested in finding "realness;" I'd say "reality" but that seems more like a state of mind. I mean "realness" in that it seems as if people are moving away from seeing and being personas and towards wanting to see what goes on underneath other peoples' skins... they want to know if the things others feel beneath the surface as if to validate their own realness. Wow, this is already getting way to esoteric and confusing as hell. Anyway, I guess the point is that I, myself, fit into this category. I find I, too, want to know what goes on in other people's heads and have people comment on what goes on in mine; I've always wondered if my thoughts were absolutely genius or entirely stupid... I have a sneaking suspicion they're not really either. But in this day and age of looking for realness and normalcy, perhaps that will make me a star.
- posted by Carly @ 6:22 PM